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Category: Friendship
Message: I shave my legs, I sit down to pee. And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon. I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas. Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost. And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.
I never forget, an important date. You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies, with lots of gore. Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch. And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her. In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, But jewelry's best. Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings. I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL , a BABE or a CHICK . I am a WOMAN. Get it?, you DICK!?!
Submitted By: HaCkErS

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Useless Away Messages

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How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?...Wait I just thought of something that would be good for making...ooooooooo something shiny!!!
  • Currently 2.52/5
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2.5/5 (95 votes)

Submitted by: ~**Van Hall**~
If you're going down the highway, and you lose a foot, what day does the mad cow get drowned in the hogs shoe??
  • Currently 3.13/5
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3.1/5 (100 votes)

Submitted by: watsmyname77
Ghghghghghhghghghfhfhffhhfhffhhffjjffjjfjffjfjfjdkghdk sorry I'm playing chopsticks on the second row of my keyboard.
  • Currently 3.23/5
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3.2/5 (111 votes)

Submitted by: Jen Bec
The cheese sat next to the banana!!!!!
  • Currently 2.12/5
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2.1/5 (112 votes)

Submitted by: llamallama duk11
Goat fries with cheese!!! Always Good!
  • Currently 2.34/5
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2.3/5 (121 votes)

Submitted by: Josh
Fish on a stick or fish stick? U decide
  • Currently 2.47/5
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2.5/5 (130 votes)

Submitted by: 
Hows your bowling arm!?!
  • Currently 2.43/5
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2.4/5 (135 votes)

Submitted by: Josh
Submitting my query.
  • Currently 2.04/5
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2.0/5 (140 votes)

Submitted by: kasheyeyyyy
Hey,I'm a silly peanut who's gonna be turned into peanut butter, and I like noodles. What does this all mean? ...POOF...I'm gone!
  • Currently 2.53/5
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2.5/5 (146 votes)

Submitted by: spoiledrottenva
Watch out for the gopher!!! He will turn you into blue pancakes...
  • Currently 2.87/5
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2.9/5 (151 votes)

Submitted by: GreekCutie036
I lost my pants and someone stole my underwear.
  • Currently 2.97/5
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3.0/5 (152 votes)

Submitted by: lostchild236
I see london, I see france. I see %n's underpants!
  • Currently 2.16/5
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2.2/5 (154 votes)

Submitted by: ScHiZoFrEnIaK

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