I'm not here right now, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone... buy me a cell phone.

Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

YOUR COMPUTER IS NOW INFECTED WITH A BAD VIRUS. But...
If you want to fix your computer, do what these directions tell you:
Type the following into your favorite write program (Microsoft Word, Notepad etc.):
Type an M
Type an I before the M
Make a space after the M
Type a P
Type a D after the P
Type an S right before the P
Type a U Before the P But after the S
Make a Space after the D
Type an R
Type An O BEFORE and AFTER the R
Go back to the begining
Type an A before the S and then make a space
Go to the end
Type an M Before the first O
Go to the middle
Type a T between the S and the U
Type an I inbetween the P and the D
Go to the very end.
Type an N
Now read the code out loud.
Your virus is gone!

Say this real fast.
I am we todd did.
Sofa king we todd did.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

I'm playing hide n seek with Bin Laden damn he is good! So it might be a while

Having a staring contest with my wall... *BLINK* "dammit!!!!!"

Are you mad at me? If not, press Alt+F4.

If you sleep with a girl without protection, you're having sex with everyone your partner had sex with before. So if your girlfriend slept with a guy, who slept with your ex g/f, who you slept with, technically you could be screwing yourself.

Let's dicuss right and left... you're right, I left! :-P

Right now I'm dancing in front of a full length mirror in spiderman underwear. I could really use some music....