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Category: Funny
Message: Hey %n, if I wanted to hear from an asshole right now then I would have farted!
Submitted By: ZeNis112

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Funny Away Messages

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There was a cub, a cardinal, a yankee and a red sox player on top of a cliff. The cub player said "this is for my team" and jumped off of the cliff. The cardinal player wanted to be a better person so he said "this is for my team" and ran then flipped off of the cliff. The yankee and the red sox player looked at each other both thinking "i don't really wanna die". But after a long period of waiting, the red sox player goes, "you know what, this is for my team" and pushed the yankee player of the cliff!
  • Currently 3.87/5
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3.9/5 (551 votes)

Submitted by: youll neva know!
Monkey see,
Monkey do.
If I shut up,
Will you too?
  • Currently 3.87/5
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3.9/5 (237 votes)

Submitted by: thegirlwhoknows
I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
-If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
-If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
-If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5".
-If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
  • Currently 3.81/5
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3.8/5 (2929 votes)

Submitted by: DoogieMD
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
  • Currently 3.82/5
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3.8/5 (1220 votes)

Submitted by: BunBun
I'm riding the ponies outside WalMart. Be back when I run out of quarters.
  • Currently 3.83/5
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3.8/5 (2696 votes)

Submitted by: VMan25bv
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
  • Currently 3.79/5
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3.8/5 (633 votes)

Submitted by: mltrack87
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
  • Currently 3.85/5
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3.8/5 (1592 votes)

Submitted by: luckyangel5346
Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
  • Currently 3.78/5
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3.8/5 (1149 votes)

Submitted by: MICHAE2414
Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMoNADE!
  • Currently 3.81/5
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3.8/5 (814 votes)

Submitted by: NoMeGustaRats
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some Marijuana. Jack got high and dropped his fly and said do you wanna? Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot her pill and then they had a son.
  • Currently 3.82/5
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3.8/5 (3738 votes)

Submitted by: kaylamarie23
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
  • Currently 3.83/5
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3.8/5 (895 votes)

Submitted by: OneiricChicka
Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle.
  • Currently 3.81/5
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3.8/5 (1773 votes)

Submitted by: Kara

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