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Category: SickHumor
Message: Sex is like math...- the clothes, +the bed, /the legs, ...and pray to god you don't multiply
Submitted By: CrAzEd'n'DaZeD

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Drinking Away Messages

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"Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having fun, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List [whichever is faster]. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to [borderline stalking]. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change."
  • Currently 4.29/5
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4.3/5 (372 votes)

Submitted by: skiforce99
When you get pulled over and the cop says "Your eyes look red have you been drinking?" repond with "Well officer your eyes look glazed have you been eating doughnuts?"
  • Currently 4.19/5
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4.2/5 (275 votes)

Submitted by: 
A Is for Alochol, B is for beer. For one of those reasons, I am not here.
  • Currently 4.05/5
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4.1/5 (871 votes)

Submitted by: sunfox2001
FRIENDS WILL TELL YOU NOT TO DRINK, BUT A BEST FRIEND WILL HAND YOU THE BOTTLE SAYING, "CHUG IT BITCH!!"
  • Currently 4.15/5
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4.1/5 (269 votes)

Submitted by: Yo mama how
Now I lay me down to sleep with an empty bottle of vodka at my feet if I die before I wake tell my girls I drank it straght.
  • Currently 4.03/5
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4.0/5 (479 votes)

Submitted by: 
Officer I swear to drunk im not god.
  • Currently 3.99/5
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4.0/5 (721 votes)

Submitted by: BasketBallJonezX
What is the difference between a drunk person and a stoned person when it comes to a stop sign? A drunk person will run right though it and a stoned person will wait for it to turn green!
  • Currently 4.02/5
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4.0/5 (262 votes)

Submitted by: Ash13LeLe
I live for the nights I'll never remember with the friends I'll never forget!
  • Currently 4.00/5
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4.0/5 (355 votes)

Submitted by: KiNkYrOcKeRdOrK
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.'
  • Currently 4.05/5
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4.0/5 (388 votes)

Submitted by: st830
Error 420 : We're sorry but the user you are trying to access is too stoned and drunk to answer your IM at this time. Please try again later and maybe he/she will have run out of weed and alcohol by then and will be able to answer your IM.
  • Currently 3.88/5
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3.9/5 (390 votes)

Submitted by: stephv911
When life hands you lemons....grab the tequila and salt:)
  • Currently 3.94/5
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3.9/5 (366 votes)

Submitted by: Lollygirl
Life is a waste of time.
Time is a waste of life.
So lets all get wasted,
And have the time of our lives!
  • Currently 3.93/5
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3.9/5 (104 votes)

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