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Category: Finals
Message: A professor was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the prof glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".
Submitted By: shortofdestiny

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Chuck Norris Facts, Away Messages

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Chuck Norris can spontanously combust...AT WILL.
  • Currently 3.89/5
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3.9/5 (61 votes)

Submitted by: Li Motosaki
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
  • Currently 3.83/5
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3.8/5 (109 votes)

Submitted by: Dazd N Confuzd
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
  • Currently 3.80/5
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3.8/5 (83 votes)

Submitted by: Shy8675
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • Currently 3.82/5
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3.8/5 (77 votes)

Submitted by: xxlaurissaxx
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip
  • Currently 3.81/5
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3.8/5 (127 votes)

Submitted by: ___DIExROMANTIC
Chuck Norris sued NBC because he had already named is left leg "Law" and his right "Order".
  • Currently 3.73/5
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3.7/5 (80 votes)

Submitted by: Z
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he does know where you will die.
  • Currently 3.71/5
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3.7/5 (69 votes)

Submitted by: xxlaurissaxx
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep...he waits.
  • Currently 3.60/5
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3.6/5 (73 votes)

Submitted by: xxlaruissaxx
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  • Currently 3.60/5
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3.6/5 (87 votes)

Submitted by: Andrea_5
If Chuck Norris is late, time needs to slow the F- down.
  • Currently 3.53/5
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3.5/5 (80 votes)

Submitted by: i_lub_ewe
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  • Currently 3.54/5
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3.5/5 (79 votes)

Submitted by: Hannah~
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium
  • Currently 3.33/5
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3.3/5 (82 votes)

Submitted by: luvdonthate13



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