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Category: NapoleonDynamite
Message: Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!
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Blonde Joke Away Messages

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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
  • Currently 4.45/5
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4.5/5 (3004 votes)

Submitted by: 
A blonde goes to the movies, her boyfriend asks if she wants any thing to eat, she says yes M&Ms. So he goes to get her some M&Ms. He comes back with the M&Ms and gives them to her, she opens up the bag and pulls out all the brown ones and gives it to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked why she gave him all the brown ones, and she said "Oh I'm allergic to chocolate."
  • Currently 4.19/5
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4.2/5 (1574 votes)

Submitted by: ItalianVitale11
There was 3 moms... 1 was brunette, 1 was a redhead and the other was a blonde. The redhead mom walks into her daughters room and finds a cigarette. She says "I didn't know my daughter smoked." The brunette walks into her daughters room and found a beer can. She say "I didn't know my daughter drank." The blonde walks into her daughters room and finds a condom. She says "I didn't know my daughter had a dick"
  • Currently 4.04/5
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4.0/5 (1695 votes)

Submitted by: Patty
A blonde was sitting outside a store on the curb crying..the manager of the store spotted her outside and went outside and asked the blonde whats wrong...she said her mother just died..and the manager said oh I'm sorry.. the blondes cell phone starts to ring and she answers it and says hello..omg! are you serious!.. and she hangs up and the manager asks her who that was and the blonde says...that was my sister...her mom just died too!
  • Currently 3.97/5
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4.0/5 (1384 votes)

Submitted by: mattzgrl4eva
A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
"Why sure," said the manager, "I have a hanger you can use."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing, he heard another voice from a blonde inside the car. "No, no! A little to the left."
  • Currently 3.83/5
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3.8/5 (1128 votes)

Submitted by: ricetopher61
A blonde, brunette,and a redhead are hiding on a farm from the police. The brunette hides in the chicken pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "cluck cluck" with the chickens, and he goes by not noticing. The redhead hides in the pig pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "oink oink" and the cop doesn't notice. Now the dumb blonde goes and hides in a potatoe sack, and when the cop walks by, she says "potato potato!" and she's busted!
  • Currently 3.79/5
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3.8/5 (1111 votes)

Submitted by: 
Once there was a blonde a red head and a bernette who got stuck on a desserted island 10 miles away from land. One day the burmette said, "I can't take this anymore" and swam three miles then drowned. Then the red head said, "I can't take this anymore either" swam 5 miles then drowned. Then the blonde said "ummm ya me neither" swam 9 miles got tired and swam back.
  • Currently 3.85/5
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3.8/5 (834 votes)

Submitted by: clairebear
Blondes have more fun but at least brunettes can remember it the next day.
  • Currently 3.67/5
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3.7/5 (997 votes)

Submitted by: mad cow
There is a mirror that sucks in people that lie. A red hed walks up and says "I think I am the smartest girl in the world." and she gets sucked in. A brunette walks up and says "I think I am the prettiest girl in the whole world." and she gets sucked in. Then, a blonde walks up and says "I think...I think...AHHHHHH!!!!" and she gets sucked in.
  • Currently 3.70/5
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3.7/5 (991 votes)

Submitted by: blubbercheese8
There's a smart blonde, and Santa Claus ... they both jump off a bridge, which one made the biggest splash?

( scroll down )

neither .. because they both don't exist!
  • Currently 3.71/5
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3.7/5 (1357 votes)

Submitted by: 
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
  • Currently 3.61/5
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3.6/5 (876 votes)

Submitted by: Blondye Gurl
What happened to the blonde when she tried to blow up her ex husbands car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe!
  • Currently 3.64/5
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3.6/5 (726 votes)

Submitted by: bobishisgoodtome

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